Sex games for couples: 15 games to reignite the spark, with the actual rules

The kids are asleep, the episode's over, and you catch each other's eye with the same thought: there has to be something better to do than go to bed. You want to play. The question is what, and more to the point, how.

That's where most lists of sex games for couples let you down. They name strip poker, sex dice and a blindfold, then leave you to invent everything else: who goes first, how long it lasts, what happens when you lose. A game without rules isn't a game, it's a suggestion, and suggestions run out of steam after three minutes. The rules are what do the work you'd rather not do yourself: they decide for you, they give you something at stake, and they set an end point.

So here are fifteen sex games for two, sorted into five families, each with what you need, how long it takes, the full rules and what the loser pays. Most of them use things already sitting in your cupboard. You'll also find a table to pick the right one for the evening ahead, and answers to the questions people ask before their first game.

Before the first game: three things to settle in two minutes

The games below have strict rules, and that's deliberate. But three things get settled before the first roll of the dice, because they're very hard to negotiate the moment one of you has just lost.

• What the loser pays: an item of clothing, a dare, or the right to decide how the evening goes from here. Agree on it beforehand, with a cool head. If you're playing for dares, keep a list of dirty dares picked in advance within reach: a dare made up on the spot by a gloating winner is never as good as one chosen calmly.
• What saying no costs: in every one of these games you can turn an instruction down, but it costs you something, a point or a piece of clothing. That's the ordinary rule of this kind of game, and it's what keeps it alive: when refusing is free, every instruction becomes optional and the game goes flat.
• The word that stops everything: a word you pick together that has no business being there ("radiator", "pineapple"), and that ends the game on the spot, with no penalty and no discussion. It overrides every other rule, including the ones that say you can't refuse.

If what's holding you back isn't picking a game but finding the sentence to bring it up, it's all covered in our piece on how to suggest a naughty game to your partner without the awkwardness.

Board games with a twist: what's already in the cupboard

A pair of dice, a deck of cards, the kids' Jenga and Twister. These are the easiest games to start, because they begin like an ordinary game night and nobody feels like they're taking the plunge.

1. Sex dice: two dice and a timer

You need: two ordinary dice, the ones from the kids' Monopoly will do nicely, and the timer on your phone. Time: twenty minutes.

The first die gives the action, the second gives the body part. Whoever rolls does it to the other person, for thirty seconds in the first round, then for a full minute once you've each rolled five times.

Roll	Action (first die)	Where (second die)
1	Kiss	Neck and nape
2	Lick	Ears
3	Nibble	Breasts or chest
4	Stroke with your fingertips	Stomach
5	Blow on	Inner thighs
6	Massage	Genitals

Doubles: roll a double and you choose both the action and the spot, with no time limit until the next roll. That's the rule that makes every throw worth waiting for.

Why it works: chance does the asking for you. You're not the one who wants oral sex, it's the 2 and the 6 that came up, and that makes all the difference for someone who'd never dare say it. After a few games, rewrite the table to your taste: your own dice will always beat ours.

2. The suits game: one deck, four families

You need: a standard 52-card deck. Time: thirty minutes.

Take turns drawing a card. The suit tells you what to do, the value tells you for how long.

• Hearts: you kiss your partner wherever you like.
• Diamonds: you massage them, wherever you like.
• Clubs: you take off one item of their clothing, your choice.
• Spades: you ask them a question about their sex life. They answer honestly, or they take something off themselves.

Cards from 2 to 10 are worth their number times ten seconds: a 7 of hearts means seventy seconds of kissing. Face cards are worth two minutes. The ace is a wild card: two minutes of whatever you want, any suit, including things that aren't written anywhere on this page.

Why it works: the full deck lasts much longer than your patience, and that's exactly how it should be. The game doesn't end when you run out of cards, it ends when one of you puts the deck down.

3. Strip War: strip poker without the poker

You need: a deck of cards. Time: fifteen minutes.

Real poker for two is slow: you spend more time betting than undressing. War gets straight to the point. You each flip a card, the lower card loses and takes off one item of clothing. If it's a tie, that's war: each of you lays one card face down and one face up, and the loser of that round takes off two items.

Count your clothes before you start: six items each, not one more. A pair of socks counts as one, jewelry and watches don't count at all. Without that rule, whoever kept their sweater and scarf on wins every time, and the other one doesn't take it well.

Once one of you is naked: every lost card becomes a dare chosen by the winner. The game ends when the other one is naked too, or when neither of you is looking at the cards anymore.

4. Dirty Jenga: let the tower decide

You need: a Jenga set and a sheet of small round stickers. Time: twenty to forty minutes.

Stick a sticker under twenty of the fifty-four blocks and write an instruction on each one. Stickers rather than a pen on the wood, so the kids' Jenga stays the kids' Jenga. Then play as normal: any block with an instruction on it gets carried out straight away, by whoever pulled it.

A few instructions to fill your stickers:

• Two minutes of kissing with no hands, yours stay behind your back.
• One item of clothing your partner chooses.
• A minute of touching through their underwear, without moving it aside.
• Say out loud what you want to do to them later.
• Touch yourself for thirty seconds in front of your partner, who isn't allowed to touch.

Whoever knocks the tower down loses: they carry out three instructions of the winner's choosing, from the blocks scattered across the table. The longer the game went on, the more instructions are lying there, and the more choice the winner has.

5. Strip Twister: every fall has a price

You need: a Twister mat and the free spinner app, or the original spinner. Time: fifteen minutes.

Play in your underwear, taking turns to spin. Whoever falls, or puts an elbow down on the mat, takes something off and you start again. Once you're both naked, every fall earns a dare chosen by the other person.

Why it works: it's the only game on this list where you end up tangled together without either of you deciding to. Nobody made the first move, the spinner asked for left hand on red. Everyone's laughing by the third spin, and laughter gets rid of awkwardness faster than any carefully set mood.

Sensation games: close your eyes to feel more

These three need a scarf and a bit of quiet. They suit the evenings when you're less in the mood to laugh than to rediscover each other. If that's the mood you're after, with no score and no loser, it has a page of its own: twelve sensual games for couples, sorted by sense, from the three-round massage to the chocolate kiss.

6. Guess what it is: a blindfold and five things from around the house

You need: a scarf for a blindfold, and five objects from around the house. For example an ice cube, a makeup brush, a spoon run under hot water, a scrap of silk, a feather or a washcloth. Time: twenty minutes.

One of you is blindfolded, the other runs each object over a part of their body for about ten seconds, in any order. The blindfolded one has to say what they're being touched with. Every wrong guess costs an item of clothing. After five objects, swap.

The rule that makes the game: in the second round, whoever is doing the touching can slip their mouth in among the objects, without warning. If they get guessed, they're the one who takes something off.

7. The body map: ten spots, a score from 1 to 5

You need: nothing, or a scrap of paper to keep score. Time: twenty-five minutes.

This is the most useful game on the list for a couple who've been together a long time. One of you touches the other on ten spots, twenty seconds each, always with the same gesture: the neck, the ears, the shoulders, the small of the back, the breasts or chest, the stomach, the buttocks, the inner thighs, the feet, the genitals. The other gives each one a score from 1 to 5 out loud, no comments. The one touching remembers the scores, then you swap.

At the end, each of you announces the three spots where the other gave their highest scores. Why it works: what turned you on ten years ago isn't necessarily what turns you on now, and your partner is still doing what worked back then. The game brings things up to date without either of you having to say "actually, I prefer this".

8. The mirror: they do it, you do it back

You need: nothing. Time: fifteen minutes.

For two minutes, one of you does to the other exactly what they'd like done to them: a gesture, a place, a rhythm. Then the other gives it back, identically, adding nothing and leaving nothing out. Swap roles, three times each.

Why it works: it's a way of asking without talking. The one leading shows what they want, the one following gets the message without a word being said. For someone who's never managed to put their desires into words, this game often does more in ten minutes than years of hints.

Tension games: the waiting is the whole game

Here you don't win by doing, you win by holding out. These make the best foreplay of all, because they forbid exactly what you want.

9. The countdown: fifteen minutes when penetration is off limits

You need: your phone's timer, somewhere you can both see it. Time: fifteen minutes, not one less.

Set the timer for fifteen minutes. Everything is allowed except having sex. The first one to try, or to ask for it out loud before the alarm, loses, and the loser carries out a dare chosen by the other before they're allowed to carry on.

Why it works: the ban changes the goal. You're no longer trying to get somewhere, you're trying to make the other one crack, and you spend fifteen minutes on what you usually rush through in three. The last minute, watched on the screen, is by far the longest of the evening. If it's the slow build you enjoy, our foreplay games for couples, played level by level turn it into a whole evening, from a text at noon to the bedroom.

10. No-go zones: three places that can't be touched

You need: nothing. Time: ten minutes each.

Each of you names three places on your own body that the other can't touch for ten minutes, usually the most obvious ones. The other has ten minutes to turn them on anyway, getting as close to the no-go zones as they like. Every contact with one of them, even a brush, costs a minute with hands behind the back.

Why it works: by ruling out the three places you'd normally head for, you force your partner to explore everything else. And once the ten minutes are up, the no-go zones aren't off limits anymore.

11. First to crack: stay still, stay silent

You need: the stopwatch on your phone. Time: ten minutes.

One of you lies down and isn't allowed to move or make a single sound: no sighing, no moaning, no laughing. The other has free rein to make them crack, and starts the stopwatch. At the first sound or movement, stop the clock and note the time. Then swap.

Whoever held out longest wins, and gets to decide what happens next. The loser has no say in the rest of the evening, which is often exactly what they were hoping for.

Games of chance: let luck choose for you

Ten years in, most couples have sex in the same two or three positions that work, and never leave them. These two games let chance shake you out of the habit.

12. The position draw: twelve slips of paper, a three-minute timer

You need: twelve folded slips of paper in a bowl, your phone's timer. Time: as long as you last.

Write one position on each slip. For example: missionary, doggy style, her on top facing him, reverse cowgirl, spooning, standing against a wall, her on the edge of the bed with him standing, sitting on a chair, 69, side by side with legs crossed. Add two slips that say "her choice" and "his choice".

Draw a slip and set the timer for three minutes. The only rule: when it goes off, you switch, even at the worst possible moment. That's exactly what makes the game funny, and what stops it ever getting too serious. A position that doesn't work, and there will be one, gets a laugh and goes out of the bowl.

13. The fantasy jar: what you can't bring yourself to say out loud

You need: a jar, some paper, a pen each. Time: five minutes to write, then one evening a week.

Each of you writes down, on your own, five things you'd like to try. Be specific: "watching you masturbate", "anal sex", "having sex somewhere other than the bed", "a toy", "being blindfolded". Fold them, mix them up, and on Sunday night, draw one.

The veto: whoever didn't write the slip can turn it down, no explanation needed, and the slip goes in the bin. No comments are allowed, either way.

The jar's weak spot is that you have to write your desire knowing your partner will read it, and might turn it down. So a lot of people only write what they're fairly sure will be accepted. That's the objection some sex games you play together on one phone get around: each of you ticks your desires in secret, and the game only draws what you've both chosen, without ever revealing who ticked what.

Power games and talking games

The last two need no equipment at all. One plays on who's in charge, the other on what you've done and never told.

14. Ten minutes each: one gives orders, the other obeys

You need: your phone's timer. Time: twenty minutes.

Best of three at rock, paper, scissors decides who goes first. For ten minutes, they give orders and the other obeys: undress, kneel, touch yourself in front of me, lick me where I tell you. When the timer goes, the roles flip, and whoever just obeyed has ten minutes to get their own back.

Why it works: the symmetry. Whoever's giving orders knows they'll be obeying right after, and they pace themselves accordingly. If that's the family of games that draws you, it has its own guide, with the ground rules and thirty scenarios, in our piece on domination and submission games for couples.

15. Never have I ever, for two: every confession costs a piece of clothing

You need: nothing. Time: fifteen minutes.

Take turns saying a sentence that starts with "never have I ever". If your partner has done it, they take something off and tell you, in one sentence, where and when. The sentences are about your sex life, together or before: "never have I ever had sex in a car", "never have I ever touched myself thinking about you at work", "never have I ever faked it".

Why it works: with two players, the game changes character. It's no longer about drinking or not drinking in front of friends, it's a string of confessions made to the one person who matters, and each of you learns things you'd never have thought to ask. Sixty lines ready to draw, from the giggles to the no-filter confessions, are waiting in our dirty never have I ever questions for couples.

The other question games each have their own page, with full lists: yes or no questions for couples for the gentlest start, dirty would you rather questions for choosing between two temptations, a funny couples quiz for laughing before things heat up, and an open-ended question game for couples for the nights when you mostly want to talk. And if you'd rather have instructions that land with no game and no loser, try our spicy challenges to spring on your partner.

Which sex game should you pick tonight?

The right game depends less on what you want than on how much time and energy you have left. Here's where to start.

Your evening	The game	Why that one
Twenty minutes before sleep, both exhausted	Sex dice (no. 1)	No setup, and you stop whenever you like
You haven't played in years	Strip War (no. 3) or Strip Twister (no. 5)	It starts as a real game, and you laugh before you touch
You want to know what still works for your partner	The body map (no. 7)	Ten scores out of 5 say more than a long talk
Something you want but can't put into words	The mirror (no. 8) or the fantasy jar (no. 13)	You ask by showing, or in writing
Kids at the grandparents', the whole evening ahead	The countdown (no. 9), then the position draw (no. 12)	Tension first, variety after
One of you wants to take charge	Ten minutes each (no. 14)	Everyone gets a turn, nobody's stuck in one role
Not quite ready to touch yet	Never have I ever (no. 15)	You start by talking, and the clothes come off anyway

On New Year's Eve, Strip War even has a natural slot: our ideas for New Year's Eve for two put it at 10 p.m., before a last hour of twelve dares leading up to midnight.

Your questions about sex games for couples

What's a good sex game for couples who've never played one?

One that starts like an ordinary game: Strip War, Strip Twister or the suits game. For the first few minutes you're just playing cards, nothing intimate is happening, and the awkwardness has time to wear off before the instructions get serious. Save the countdown and the fantasy jar for your second or third evening, once you already know what it feels like to play together.

What sex games can you play without toys?

The mirror, the body map, no-go zones, first to crack, ten minutes each and never have I ever need nothing at all, apart from a phone for the timer. The suits game and Strip War only need a deck of cards, and sex dice just two ordinary dice. Nothing on this list requires you to buy anything.

How do I suggest a sex game to my partner?

Suggest one specific game, at one specific time, well away from the bedroom: "I found a game with dice, want to try it Saturday?" goes down far better than "maybe we could try something". The game carries the request for you, which is much easier to say yes to than a desire stated in the first person. The rest, the timing, the words, and what to do if the answer is no, is all in our guide on how to bring up a naughty game without it being awkward.

How long does a game last?

Between fifteen and forty minutes for most games on this list, setup included. That's deliberate: a game that fits into the length of an episode is much easier to suggest than a "sexy night in" that sounds like it'll take up the whole evening. And nothing stops you playing a second one if the first went well. And for the nights when even fifteen minutes of setup feels like too much, our date night games for couples start in two minutes with nothing but a phone.

What if one of us always wins?

Give them a handicap. In first to crack, they have to hold out twice as long to win. In Strip War, they start with four items of clothing instead of six. At Jenga, they pull blocks with one hand only. A game where you know the result in advance loses all its point, and someone who always loses eventually stops wanting to play.

Do you always need a loser?

No, but the loser is what gives the game its stakes. Sensation games like the body map or the mirror work perfectly well without keeping score. Board games with a twist, on the other hand, only work with a loser who pays: it's the prospect of taking something off that makes the next card exciting, not the card itself.