91 dirty dares for couples, mild to intense

You're playing happily, one of you loses the round, and then comes the blank: what dare do you announce? If you haven't thought about it beforehand, out comes a kiss or an item of clothing, and the evening deflates as fast as it built up.

Which is a shame, because a dare is probably the single best accelerator there is for a couple that's got a little bored. Chosen well, it turns an ordinary card game into an evening you'll still be talking about the following week. You just need the material to hand at the right moment.

Here are 91 dirty dares, sorted into four families: domination and submission, bold dares to pull off in public or in the middle of the day, staged and role-play dares, and finally the sexual practices, toys included. You'll also find how to pick them, who should perform them, and which ones will keep you busy long after the evening is over.

Put your deck of dares together before you play

This is the step everyone skips, and it's the one that decides the evening. Improvising a dare the second your partner has lost never works: you've got three seconds to come up with something, they're watching you, and under pressure the brain only ever produces something lukewarm.

The simplest approach is to go through the list together, in a quiet moment, on an evening when you've got nothing planned. Keep the eight or ten that appeal to both of you, note the numbers in your phone, and bring them out when the time comes. You can also leave this page open and use the random draw above, which picks for you from whichever family you choose.

And if the very idea of making that selection already bores you, that's exactly the job a ready-made game does for you: the Oopsia games draw the card, and all you have to do is carry it out.

Punishment or reward: who performs the dare?

A dare is nearly always presented as a punishment handed to the loser. That's the classic version, it works perfectly well, but it robs you of a variant that's often far more exciting: the one where the winner does the choosing.

In this second version, whoever wins the round performs nothing at all. They pick from the list and name the dare the other one has to carry out. The loser does exactly the same thing either way, but the effect on the game is nothing alike: when you play a round knowing you'll hold the power to choose, you play it a great deal more seriously.

Settle on your version before the first round. Otherwise you'll be debating it the moment one of you has just lost, which is obviously the worst possible time to open that particular discussion.

The frame to set before the first card

A game of dares rests entirely on trust, and two minutes of conversation is enough to build it.

The safe word: choose a word together that has no business being in a bedroom, such as "pineapple", "radiator" or "safari", and that stops everything the instant either of you says it. Never "no" or "stop", which are part of the game and get confused with it.

The right to pass: either of you can turn down a dare without justifying it, and with no replacement dare as a penalty. A game that punishes refusal isn't a game any more, it's pressure with rules attached.

You'll notice that several dares on the list explicitly forbid refusing. That's the rule of the dare, not the rule of the evening: your safe word sits above everything, those dares included. If you want to dig into the question of the frame, it's all covered in our article on how to suggest a naughty game to your partner.

Dares for domination, submission and obedience

The category where one of you takes absolute power and the other complies without arguing. It's the family where the tension rises fastest, and most of these dares need no props at all.

1. Twenty-four hours. For the next 24 hours, your partner can ask you for any act at all and you can't refuse.
2. You're in charge. For your next evening together, you're the one in charge. Dress the part. The rest is yours to prepare.
3. Give up your sex. Your genitals are entirely at your partner's disposal. Refusing is not allowed.
4. Give up your hands. Your hands are at your partner's disposal. You can't refuse whatever they want to do with them.
5. Give up your mouth. Your mouth is at your partner's disposal for the evening.
6. Give up your arse. Your rear is at your partner's disposal, to do with as they please.
7. Dressed by them. Your partner picks your entire outfit and your underwear for the evening, restyling included. You have no say in it.
8. On the end of the leash. Your partner will keep you on a leash, or something like one, for your next evening together.
9. Standing, no moving. You'll have to stay standing while your partner goes down on you until you come.
10. Bath service. Tonight you're your partner's servant, and you'll wash them in the shower.
11. The hot candle. Tied up, you'll be subjected to the torment of hot wax on your body. Use proper massage candles, nothing else.
12. Hands tied. Tonight your hands are tied behind your back, and you'll have to do everything, or take everything, without using them.
13. Don't move. You'll stay frozen and silent in the position you're ordered into: on your knees, on all fours, or face down with your ass up. Your partner uses you in that position.
14. Tied, blindfolded, gagged. Tied, blindfolded and gagged, you're entirely at your partner's mercy.
15. Under lock. Find a way to tie up or lock away your partner's genitals, and invent a new way to play from there.
16. One way closed. You'll have to block off one of your holes, or your genitals, with a sex toy. Your partner can only play with whatever is still available.
17. Toy holder. On your knees with your hands tied behind your back, you'll hold a sex toy in your mouth for your partner to use.
18. Two hours on the edge. Tie your partner up so they can't get away. For two hours, work them right up to the edge of orgasm without ever letting them come. Take breaks, then start again.
19. Nothing without an order. Tonight, your partner will only satisfy your desires on direct, spoken orders from you: lick, touch, and so on.
20. Spanking, counted. You've been bad, and your partner will have to give you a spanking at some point during the evening.
21. A week in the cage. He wears a chastity cage all week. Her job is to wind him up intensely every single day, and never to let him out.
22. Turnaround. You've got lucky, the tables are turned. Make your partner draw a new dare instead!

Dares for daring, exhibitionism and playing in public

Turn up the heat outside the bedroom, through a screen or in the middle of everyday life. The dare lands on you in the middle of a perfectly ordinary day, and the adrenaline of the secret does half the work here.

23. The day with nothing underneath. Your partner decides which day of the week you'll go without any underwear at all.
24. The midday call. Call your partner in the middle of the day and describe a filthy evening to them in detail. You'll be putting it into practice that same night.
25. The photo that lands badly. Take a very dirty photo of yourself and text it to your partner at a moment of your choosing.
26. Wallpaper, imposed. Set a photo of yourself in lingerie, or less, as your partner's phone wallpaper for the whole day. Hiding it is forbidden.
27. Purchase subject to approval. This weekend, underwear shopping. Your partner has to approve the purchase, otherwise it stays in the shop.
28. Repurposed from the supermarket. On an ordinary trip to the shops, buy a completely mundane object or item of food that will be repurposed for your next sex game.
29. Five minutes in the toilets. At work, slip away to start a live video call from the toilets, and masturbate for your partner.
30. Two rooms, two screens. Set up a session over computers and webcams, each of you in a different room of the house.
31. Keep the conversation going. Call a friend for a chat while your partner touches you in silence.
32. Spectators. Suggest watching a couple, or a stranger, performing live on a video chat site together.
33. The toy you wear all day. During the day, discreetly wear a sex toy on you, or in you. Your partner controls the torment.
34. An evening at the club. This month, the two of you are going to a sex club. Up to you whether you join in or only watch.
35. The newsagent. Go together and buy a pornographic magazine at the newsagent.
36. The question at the bookshop. She has to ask an assistant in a specialist bookshop for a book explicitly about anal sex.
37. Picnic in a short dress. He organises a picnic in a busy park. She wears a short dress with nothing underneath.
38. Out with the cream on. Covered in arousal cream, she goes for a walk in public with her man.
39. Appointment at the salon. She has to get a bikini wax at the salon while wearing a butt plug.
40. Four poses in a booth. Find a photo booth and take pictures of your private parts in it.

Dares for creativity, sensuality and role play

The art of the staged scene, of massage, of role play and of indulgence. These need a prop or ten minutes of preparation, and they tend to be the ones you remember longest. Check you own the kit before slipping them into your deck.

41. Painted and licked. Cover your partner's body in chocolate, honey or yoghurt. All of it has to be cleaned off with your tongue and nothing else.
42. Shaved bare. Your challenge is to shave your intimate parts completely.
43. Cut to measure. Take an ordinary item of your partner's clothing, cut it into something far less decent, and make them wear it.
44. Their underwear on you. For your next evening, you'll wear your partner's underwear.
45. The full massage. Tonight, give your partner a full, relaxing massage.
46. Massage without hands. Give your partner a sensual full-body massage without ever using your hands. It all happens body against body.
47. Both of you blind. Have sex blindfolded, both of you, from start to finish. Taking the blindfold off is forbidden.
48. Another name. Become another person. Change your name, change your style, and do something sexual you'd never have dared do as yourself.
49. In costume. Put on a cosplay evening and have sex playing the characters you fantasise about.
50. The full confession. Reveal, in full detail, a deep fantasy you've never admitted to before.
51. Read out loud. Your partner picks a page of erotic writing that you'll have to read out loud to them.
52. Big night in. Put on a luxurious evening. Him in his best suit, her in a dress, jewellery and stockings, and above all: champagne!
53. Wherever they point. You'll have to lick your partner on every part of the body they point to.
54. Gesture for gesture. Sit facing your partner and copy their gestures and their caresses exactly.
55. The crude words. For your next evening together, you're obliged to use the crudest words you know.
56. You as the model. Set up a photo shoot with your partner as the photographer. Theme of your choice: bondage, oil, thong, gothic, camel toe, or sex toys.
57. The hidden folder. Photograph or film yourselves in close-up, and quietly slip the files into a hidden folder on your partner's computer, to surprise them later.
58. A film running throughout. Your partner picks a film, ordinary or pornographic, that you have to watch while they work on you with their mouth or their hands.

Dares for sexual practices, toys and forbidden ground

Specific acts, games of texture, and orgasms that take your breath away. Nothing to prepare here, it all happens on the spot.

59. The ice cube. Keep an ice cube in your mouth while you go down on your partner.
60. Without undressing. Have sex with all your clothes on. You'll need some imagination to manage it.
61. Through the fabric. Rub your partner through their clothes — tights, leggings, trousers — until they come and stain the fabric.
62. A position never tried. Innovate, and find a position from the Kama Sutra you've never tried. Be careful.
63. The purchase kept secret. Buy or find a brand-new sex toy, and keep it secret until your next evening together.
64. The toy and nothing else. You have to make your partner come using nothing but a sex toy.
65. Two toys at once. Your partner will have to use two sex toys on you at the same time during the evening.
66. The toy for behind. Make your partner come using a sex toy specifically designed for the asshole.
67. Tied up, watching. Tie your partner to a chair and masturbate slowly in front of them, with no penetration at all.
68. In front of the mirror. Masturbate in front of a mirror while your partner watches from behind, without stepping in.
69. The reflection from behind. With your ass facing a mirror, watch in the reflection as your partner works your asshole with their tongue or their toys.
70. Repurposed object. Find a sexual use for an everyday object, a piece of fruit or a vegetable. Repurposing guaranteed.
71. Sex against sex. Make your partner come by rubbing genitals against genitals only, with no penetration.
72. Three times by hand. Today, bring your partner off three separate times by hand. No mouth, no penetration.
73. Covered in lubricant. Cover each other completely in lubricant and rub against one another. Protect the bed properly first.
74. Onto their mouth. With no penetration, you have to reach orgasm directly onto your partner's mouth.
75. 69 fully dressed. Do a 69, with one difficulty: you're strictly forbidden from removing your clothes.
76. 69 with a toy. Do a standard 69, with the addition of a sex toy in one of your assholes.
77. Twice with your mouth. Give your partner oral at least twice today. No penetration allowed.
78. Tongue only. Make your partner come by licking alone, without ever taking anything into your mouth.
79. From behind, by hand. You must bring your partner off with your hand while positioned behind them, with them on all fours.
80. Between her cheeks. He has to reach orgasm by rubbing between her buttocks, with her lying face down in a thong or tights, moving to help him along.
81. Three orgasms, three ways. For your next evening, give your partner at least three orgasms in three completely different ways.
82. Anal tonight. Tonight, whoever draws this dare is the one being taken anally.
83. Rimming, unannounced. Make your partner come by licking their asshole. You can choose not to tell them what's coming.
84. The massage with a secret. Put a sex toy inside you, put your underwear back on, and go and ask your partner for an ordinary massage.
85. The request never made. Make your partner perform a sexual act you've never dared ask for before, but that turns you on.
86. Standing, above them. Stay standing to masturbate while your partner is positioned exactly in front of your genitals, or underneath them.
87. On the face. Tied up, you'll take your partner's orgasm directly on your face. For her, it means rubbing herself against it instead.
88. Drawing it out in front of a film. Touch your partner in front of a pornographic film, with the sole aim of drawing the pleasure out as long as possible before they come.
89. Onto the fabric she wore. He has to masturbate directly onto an item of her underwear that she's worn, chosen by her for how exciting the fabric feels.
90. His come as lubricant. He comes onto her, and she uses it as lubricant to masturbate in turn.
91. Sitting on his face. He lies on his back, she lowers herself onto his face, forcing him to lick everything within reach.

The dares that last longer than one evening

Six dares on this list don't stop when you turn the light off: numbers 1, 21, 23, 26, 33 and 63. They're probably the most powerful of the lot, because they work on your partner for hours, sometimes for a whole week, where an ordinary dare is over in three minutes.

In exchange, they need a clear yes before they're drawn. Take them out of the deck if you're playing on a Tuesday night with a heavy working day ahead of you. Save them for a Friday instead: you'll have the whole weekend to see them through, and that's when they really come into their own.

The mistakes that ruin a good dare

You'll probably make all four of these at least once, so you may as well know them in advance.

Negotiating the dare. The moment one of you offers a lighter version, it's over, and you won't recover the tension you've lost. Either you do it exactly as written or you pass, but don't go looking for a compromise in between.

Putting it off until tomorrow. "We'll do that one tomorrow" means never, and you both know it as the words come out. A dare you can't carry out within the hour comes out of the deck before the game, never during.

Not having the kit. Wax with no massage candle, a toy that would have to be ordered: you break off the evening to go and find something, and you never quite get back into it.

Aiming too high on the very first round. Number 18 after three rounds, perfect. As an opener it gets a laugh, and a laugh at that point is very hard to come back from. Start with something short, done without commentary. That's the one that establishes you're playing for real.

Your questions about dirty dares

How many dares should I plan for one evening?

Eight to ten is plenty. A game rarely runs beyond an hour and a half, and ten dares you genuinely want to do beat ninety-one where half of them leave you cold.

What if my partner turns a dare down?

You move on to the next one, without comment and without negotiating. A refusal is rarely a refusal on principle: most of the time it's about tiredness, timing, or a missing prop. The dare goes back in the deck and it'll come out again another evening.

Can you play dares without an actual game?

Of course. Any pretext will do: a bet on a match, an ordinary hand of cards, best of three at rock-paper-scissors. The game only exists to decide who performs, the dare does everything else.

At what point does a dare become too intense?

The moment one of you is enduring it rather than playing it. That's precisely what the safe word and the right to pass are there to catch, and it's why you set them up before you start rather than halfway through.