70 dirty would you rather questions for couples, from funny to extreme

"Would you rather be able to fly or be invisible?" Everybody has played it, at a sleepover or at the end of a long dinner, with dilemmas that cost nobody anything. Between two adults who have shared a bed for ten years, the same game turns into something else entirely.

Because the question forces a choice. Nobody is asking you "so what would you like?", the question that makes people who know perfectly well answer "I don't know". You're handed two options that are already written down, and you point at one. It's the cheapest way there is to find out what your partner really prefers in bed, including on the things you assumed you'd known for years.

Here are 70 would you rather questions for couples, in five rounds that go from funny to extreme. First come the rules that stop anyone cheating, then the questions, two variations that turn them into a proper game, and the moment when it's better to put the phone down.

How do you play would you rather as a couple?

The whole thing fits in a line: one of you reads the question, the other picks one of the two options. It's the small rules around it that make the difference between a polite chat and a game you'll still be talking about next week.

• Two options, never three: "both", "neither" and "it depends" are banned. Those answers are comfortable precisely because they say nothing, and the whole point of the game is to make you choose between two things you'd happily have left vague.
• Five seconds to answer: whoever asks counts out loud. Past five seconds, you're no longer picking what you prefer, you're picking what's safe to say, and that isn't the same information at all.
• Everyone answers: each question goes both ways. So that nobody copies the other, answer at the same time: on three, each of you holds up one finger for the first option or two fingers for the second.
• One "why" only: after the answer, each of you gets a single follow-up question, no more. One follow-up gets people talking, three is an interrogation, and the game stalls by question four.
• You go up, never down: the rounds run from lightest to boldest. Start with the first even if you're aiming for the fourth: the funny questions bed in the five-second rule while nothing is at stake yet.

If you'd rather not pick the questions yourselves, the draw below deals them at random, from one round or from the whole list.

Funny would you rather questions to start the game

Absurd dilemmas, but already about the two of you and your actual life, kids and neighbours included. They're there to get you laughing, and to make "would you rather" feel familiar before it turns serious.

1. The baby monitor. Would you rather have sex with the baby monitor switched on beside the bed, or with the cat watching from the top of the wardrobe?
2. The playlist. Would you rather have sex to your teenage playlist on shuffle, or in a silence so complete we can hear the fridge?
3. The pet name. Would you rather I called you "pumpkin" every single time we have sex, for the rest of your life, or called you by your surname?
4. The lingerie. Would you rather I waited for you in bed in something bought for the occasion, or in fleece pyjamas with a deadly serious look on my face?
5. The stray voice note. Would you rather I accidentally sent a filthy voice note to the school parents' group chat, or to your boss?
6. The search history. Would you rather I read out your last thirty days of search history, or you read out mine?
7. The surprise visit. Would you rather your mum rang the doorbell at the worst possible moment, or one of the kids knocked on the bedroom door at the worst possible moment?
8. The score. Would you rather I gave you a mark out of ten after every time, or never knew what I'd thought of it?
9. The housework. Would you rather hoover the whole house naked while I watch from the sofa, or watch me do it?
10. The neighbours. Would you rather the neighbours heard us clearly just once, or assumed we'd barely spoken for years because they never hear a thing?
11. The mishap. Would you rather get an uncontrollable fit of giggles right in the middle, or a cramp in your calf at the same moment?
12. The catch-up. Would you rather make up for every night we missed this month in a single weekend, or spread them over next month?
13. The creak. Would you rather have a bed that creaks with every move, or a headboard that bangs against the neighbours' wall?
14. The morning after. Would you rather stay naked until breakfast, or get fully dressed again against a thirty-second clock?

Flirty would you rather questions: when, where and how

The everyday round. With kids, work hours and tiredness that piles up, the real question often isn't "what" but "when" and "where". These fourteen answer it, and several of the answers turn into a date without anyone having to bring it up any other way.

15. The slot. Would you rather Saturday morning while the kids watch cartoons, or Sunday night once they're properly asleep?
16. The warning. Would you rather I told you in the morning that we're having sex tonight, or jumped on you with no warning at all?
17. The frequency. Would you rather twenty minutes several nights a week, or a whole night once a month?
18. The lock. Would you rather we finally put a lock on the bedroom door, or kept the thrill of the door that doesn't lock?
19. The afternoon. Would you rather a hotel room on a Tuesday afternoon, both of us taking half a day off, or a whole weekend at home with the kids at their grandparents'?
20. The childhood bedroom. Would you rather have sex in your old teenage bedroom at your parents', on a family weekend, or in our best friends' spare room?
21. The wake-up. Would you rather be woken up by my mouth on you, or fall asleep with my hand between your legs?
22. The light. Would you rather have the big light on, or total darkness?
23. The clothes. Would you rather we got completely undressed before anything starts, or kept as many clothes on as possible right to the end?
24. The message. Would you rather get a suggestive photo of me at 11am at work, or a text saying exactly what I plan to do to you tonight?
25. The ratio. Would you rather half an hour of foreplay and five minutes of penetration, or five minutes of foreplay and half an hour of penetration?
26. The volume. Would you rather have to make no sound whatsoever, or be free to scream in an empty house?
27. The room. Would you rather the shower, or the living-room sofa once the whole house is asleep?
28. Outdoors. Would you rather the hot tub of a cabin rented for the weekend, or a quiet patch of woods on a walk?

Dirty would you rather questions: what happens in bed

Into the bedroom, door shut. This is the round that teaches you the most practical things, because every answer can be used as-is next time. Keep a mental note of the numbers where you both picked the same thing: those are what you agree on.

29. Oral. Would you rather receive ten minutes of oral sex with nothing to give back, or give ten minutes without being touched?
30. On top. Would you rather be on top for the whole of next month, or underneath for the whole of next month?
31. The pace. Would you rather very slow for an hour, or very hard for ten minutes?
32. Twice. Would you rather come twice tonight, or make me come twice?
33. The voice. Would you rather I talked you through what I'm doing as I do it, or didn't say a single word?
34. The demonstration. Would you rather show me how you masturbate when you're on your own, or have me show you how I do it?
35. The toy. Would you rather a vibrator we use on you, or a vibrating ring we both share?
36. Quality or quantity. Would you rather have sex less often but always amazing, or more often even if it's sometimes average?
37. The first night. Would you rather replay our first night exactly as it happened, or redo it with everything we know about each other now?
38. Intensity. Would you rather one very intense but quick orgasm, or an hour of pleasure with no orgasm at the end?
39. No penetration. Would you rather a whole evening where penetration is off limits, or an evening where we go straight to it?
40. The sound. Would you rather I moaned louder, or said your name?
41. The spot. Would you rather I spent ten minutes on your neck and chest, or ten minutes on the insides of your thighs?
42. The finish. When he comes, would you rather in the mouth, or on the skin?

Spicy would you rather questions: power, fantasies and taboos

The round about what you haven't done yet. An answer here isn't a promise: it's a door left ajar, and it's up to the two of you to decide later whether to push it. If the questions about who's in charge made you smile, what comes next is in our article on domination and submission games for couples.

43. Who's in charge. Would you rather give me orders for a whole evening, or follow mine?
44. Restraint. Would you rather have your wrists tied, or be blindfolded?
45. Spanking. Would you rather give it, or get it?
46. The style. Would you rather be dominated gently, or firmly and with no negotiation?
47. The confession. Would you rather tell me tonight the fantasy you've never admitted to, or hear mine?
48. The roles. Would you rather we played two strangers meeting in a hotel bar, or two exes running into each other ten years on?
49. Being watched. Would you rather another couple watched us have sex, or watch another couple do it?
50. The dinner party. Would you rather go to dinner at friends' with no underwear on, or wear a vibrating egg at a restaurant with me holding the remote?
51. Yes day. Would you rather a day where you have to say yes to everything I ask, or a day where I have to say yes to everything you ask?
52. Dirty talk. Would you rather I talked really filthy while we have sex, or you got to, with no holding back?
53. Anal. Would you rather we tried a butt plug first, or went straight to trying anal sex?
54. The forbidden place. Would you rather have sex at your parents' during Christmas lunch, or at the office one evening after everyone's gone home?
55. The photo. Would you rather send me a nude of yourself during your working day, or get one from me in the middle of a meeting?
56. The video. Would you rather we filmed ourselves once, or watched a porn film together that you picked on your own?

Extreme would you rather questions: the impossible dilemmas

Here both options cost you something, and that's exactly the point. You're not choosing what you want, you're choosing what you're prepared to lose, which sometimes says more than every question before it put together. It's also the round where an answer can catch you off guard, hence the section after the list.

57. The dry month. Would you rather have no sex at all for a month, or carry on as normal but not be allowed to come?
58. The reading. Would you rather I read aloud a list of all your fantasies, or all your messages from this week?
59. The threesome. Would you rather a threesome with another woman, or with another man?
60. The number. Would you rather know exactly how many partners I had before you, or never know?
61. Mouth or lips. Would you rather never receive oral sex again, or never be able to kiss me again?
62. One position. Would you rather have one single position for the rest of our lives, or a new position forced on you every time?
63. What's missing. Would you rather know what I've never really enjoyed in what we do, or what I'd like that we've never done?
64. The doubt. Would you rather know whether I've ever faked it with you, or live with not knowing forever?
65. The recording. Would you rather our last night had been filmed by mistake and seen by your best friend, or overheard in full by the neighbours?
66. The name. Would you rather I fantasised about someone we know without telling you, or told you who it is?
67. The contract. Would you rather have sex every day for a month without exception, even when you're exhausted, or only four times that month, whenever you like?
68. Tenderness. Would you rather perfect sex without a single tender word, or tender words and very average sex?
69. The plan. Would you rather decide everything we do tonight on your own, or decide nothing and go along with whatever I suggest?
70. The last one. Would you rather we stopped the game right now and got on with it, or answered ten more questions with one item of clothing coming off per answer?

Two variations that turn it into a real game

The questions on their own make a very good conversation. Put something at stake and they make an evening.

• Guess the answer: before your partner answers, you say out loud what they're going to pick. Get it wrong and you take off one item of clothing. This turns what you know about each other into the stakes, and it surprises long-standing couples most of all, because we tend to guess the person they were ten years ago.
• Act it out: when the option chosen can be done right now, in the room you're in, it gets done. That isn't true of all of them, but numbers 29, 33, 34, 40, 41 and 45 need nothing more than the two of you and ten minutes.

Either way, whoever goes over five seconds or passes takes a dare. Pick five or six before you start, from the list of dirty dares for couples for instance, so you're not inventing one under pressure.

When to stop

A game of would you rather has no natural ending, and that's its only real flaw. Three signals are worth more than a question count.

When you both picked the same option and it's doable tonight: stop the game and do it. Carrying on down the list at that point means preferring the question to the answer.

When an answer lands in silence: that's mostly the risk of the extreme round, which touches on the past, on other people, on what's missing. Close the round, not the evening, and keep the subject for another day, in the cold light of it. An unexpected answer isn't a problem to solve at 11pm on a Saturday.

When the answers turn automatic: after twenty or twenty-five questions, people answer to get through rather than to choose. That's the moment to switch to a variation, or to something else entirely.

Your questions about would you rather for couples

What's the difference with yes or no questions?

Yes or no tells you whether your partner wants something. Would you rather tells you which they'd pick between two things they may well want both of, which is finer-grained and often more useful for a couple who've already tried a lot. The two formats go together very well: start with our yes or no questions for couples to find out what's on the table, then settle the tie-breaks with would you rather.

What if I don't like either option?

Then you pick the lesser evil, and that's the whole game. "Neither" is the easiest answer, so it's the one that teaches the least. If one option really is out of the question for you, say so in a sentence after you've chosen: "number 44: blindfolded, fine; tied up, never". That's valuable information, and it arrives without needing a big conversation.

What if my partner gives an answer I didn't expect?

Use your one "why", listen to the answer, and move on to the next question. A preference said out loud in a game is neither a complaint nor a request for tonight. If it's still on your mind the next day, bring it up then, outside the game.

How many questions for one evening?

Allow a round and a half, so about twenty questions and roughly half an hour. That's enough to reach the dirty round without using up the list, and you keep the last two rounds for another time, which gives you a reason to play again.

How do you suggest the game without it being weird?

Would you rather has a huge advantage: everyone already knows how it works, and the first round looks like a pub game. You can throw out question 1 at the dinner table without announcing anything and see whether your partner bites. For the trickier cases, it's all set out in how to suggest a naughty game to your partner.

What if we can't bring ourselves to read the spicy ones out loud?

That's very common, and it isn't the question that's embarrassing, it's having chosen it. Let the draw on this page pick for you and pass the phone back and forth: whoever reads is no longer the author of the question, they're discovering it at the same time as the other one. It's the same principle behind the Oopsia games, which are played by two people on one screen and draw the cards for you.