Foreplay Games for Couples: 15 Ideas to Build Desire One Level at a Time

You know the sequence by heart. A kiss, hands going straight to the places you both know work, three minutes of touching that pass for foreplay, and you're there. It works, nobody's complaining, and yet you both remember a time when you could spend an hour on a couch without getting any further than the button on a pair of jeans.

What changed isn't the desire. It's the pace. Over the years, foreplay got compressed until it turned into a formality, and most of the foreplay ideas you'll find online don't do anything about it: "give a massage," "try a blindfold," "take your time." An idea with no rules gets tried once, on fast-forward, and then you slide right back into the usual sequence. What's missing is a structure that keeps you from skipping steps, even when you really, really want to.

So here are fifteen foreplay games for couples, arranged in five levels, from a text sent at lunchtime all the way to having sex. Each level lifts exactly one restriction, and the other person decides when you move up. You'll find the basic rules and a table of the five levels first, then the games, level by level, three routes depending on how much time you have, and answers to the questions people ask before they start.

How it works: five levels, one restriction lifted at a time

The whole thing rests on four rules. They apply to all fifteen games on this page, and they take one minute to set up, over dinner or in the hallway.

• One level, one restriction: each level allows one thing more than the one before, and only one. On level 2, you kiss, but hands stay on top of clothes. On level 3, skin, but not genitals. On level 4, genitals, with hands and mouths, but no penetration. On level 5, everything. This progression is what builds desire: the restriction that's still in place makes the current level more intense, because you both know exactly what you're not allowed to do yet.
• The other person holds the key: you never move yourself up a level. The person receiving says "level up." The one doing the touching knows where they want to go; the one being touched knows whether they're ready, and they're the one who's right.
• You can go back, never skip ahead: jumping from level 2 to level 4 because "it's basically the same" is exactly what this game stops you from doing. Going back down, on the other hand, is always allowed, and the last game on the page turns it into a weapon.
• The word that stops everything: a word that has no business in a bedroom, like "doormat" or "Nebraska," that ends the game on the spot, no explanation, no discussion. It's what lets the rules be firm: here, nobody negotiates a restriction.

The five levels at a glance

Level	Where and when	What's allowed	What's still off-limits	How long
1. Words	During the day	Texts, looks, a promise	Touching	The whole day
2. Clothes on	Kitchen, couch	Mouths, hands over clothes	Slipping a hand underneath	Ten to fifteen minutes
3. Skin	The bedroom	Undressing, all of the skin	Genitals	Fifteen to twenty minutes
4. Sex, no penetration	On the bed	Hands, mouths, masturbating	Penetration	Fifteen to twenty minutes
5. Having sex	Wherever you like	Everything	Nothing, except rushing back down	The rest of the night

The times aren't targets. They're only there to give you a sense of scale, so you know a full evening takes about an hour, and a twenty-minute Tuesday will have to skip a few. The routes further down tell you which ones.

Level 1: during the day, wanting each other before you even touch

Foreplay doesn't start in the bedroom. It starts the moment one of you knows something is going to happen tonight. These three games are played apart, while you're each getting through your own day, and they have one goal: that you show up at 9:30 p.m. having thought about it since morning.

1. The 8 a.m. appointment: a time, a room, and not one word more

What you need: a phone, or a sticky note on the bathroom mirror. How long: from 8 a.m. until tonight.

In the morning, before leaving, one of you sets an appointment for the other, and makes it specific: "9:30 tonight, the bedroom, door locked." No "we'll see," no "if we're not too tired." A time and a room. The rule is simple, and it's what makes the game: neither of you mentions it again all day, not on the phone, not at dinner, not over the kids' homework.

Why it works: an appointment moves the decision. At 9:30, you no longer have to ask yourselves whether you're in the mood. You decided that this morning, and the whole day has been the wait. It's also the best way to keep exhaustion from negotiating on your behalf: at 9:15 p.m. there's always a good reason to put it off until tomorrow, while at 8 a.m. there isn't one.

2. The three texts: noon, 5 p.m., and 8 p.m., each one a notch hotter

What you need: both your phones. How long: all day.

Each of you sends the other three texts, at set times, and each one goes up a notch. At noon, a memory: "I keep thinking about that hotel room in Savannah, and the open window." At 5 p.m., what you're wearing under your clothes, in one sentence. At 8 p.m., what you're going to do to them later, also in one sentence, and no more. Here's the catch that changes everything: the person receiving is only allowed to reply "got it." No hearts, no "mmm," no "stop, I'm in a meeting."

Why it works: the "got it" is a delicious frustration for the sender, who has no idea what effect the text had, and for the reader, who isn't allowed to say. The 8 p.m. text usually lands during dinner, at the table with the kids, and the phone that stays face down next to the plate says plenty.

3. Underwear picked by the other person: laid out on the chair the night before

What you need: the other person's drawer. How long: all day, and until level 3.

The night before, one of you opens the other's drawer and picks what they'll wear underneath tomorrow: the panties, the bra, the boxers, or nothing at all. Lay it on the chair without a word, and the other puts it on in the morning. Nobody mentions it all day. In the evening, on level 3, it's the one piece of clothing that doesn't come off right away: the person who chose it decides when.

Why it works: you spend the day knowing the other person knows. Every time you get dressed, sit down, or catch their eye over breakfast, their choice is right there against your skin. And the one who picked it thinks about it almost as much as the one wearing it.

Level 2: clothes on, mouths yes, hands over the fabric

This is the level couples skip most often, because they think they already know it. You kiss every day, after all. Exactly: a kiss on the way past the coffee maker doesn't count. These three games put kissing back at the center, with a rule that keeps hands away from skin.

4. The kitchen kiss: twenty seconds, then nothing until the appointment

What you need: a pot on the stove. How long: twenty seconds.

While the pasta's cooking, one of you takes the other by the hips, backs them up against the counter, and kisses them, slowly, counting twenty seconds in your head. Then you let go and pick up the wooden spoon as if nothing happened. The rule: neither of you is allowed to do it again before tonight's appointment, no matter what.

Why it works: an interrupted kiss works on you all through dinner. It reminds you what it was like to kiss for the sake of kissing, not to say hello, and it asks a question that nobody says out loud but that you're both going to answer at 9:30. If the kids walk into the kitchen at second fifteen, even better: frustration is part of the game.

5. The five-minute kiss: one minute per stage, and the timer decides

What you need: your phone's timer, set to one minute and restarted five times. How long: five minutes.

Standing or sitting face to face, you kiss for five minutes, and each minute has its own rule. You only move on to the next one when the timer goes off, even if you're dying to.

• Minute one: lips only, no tongue. Slowly, like a first kiss.
• Minute two: tongues come into play.
• Minute three: the neck, the jaw, the earlobes. Mouths leave mouths.
• Minute four: hands join in, over clothes only: hips, back, ass through the jeans.
• Minute five: whoever received the first kiss takes the lead and does whatever they want, as long as hands stay on fabric.

Why it works: after a few years, a kiss often turns into a doorway you walk through in four seconds. Here, it becomes a whole level, and the timer makes you stay in each stage long enough for it to do its job. By minute five, you'll both have realized you haven't kissed like that in a long time.

6. Making out on the couch: fifteen minutes like you're seventeen

What you need: the couch, the TV on in the background. How long: fifteen minutes.

Settle onto the couch like two high schoolers in somebody's parents' basement, and make out for fifteen minutes under the old rules: hands everywhere, but over clothes. Nothing under the sweater, nothing below the waistband. If a hand slips underneath, its owner stops, puts both hands on their knees, and counts to thirty before starting again.

Why it works: the restriction gives you back your seventeen-year-old hands, the ones that spent an hour fiddling with a jeans button without daring to undo it. Fabric between hand and skin builds desire much faster than you'd think, because everything you feel is guesswork. And the TV talking to nobody, just like back then, does the rest.

Level 3: skin, getting undressed, but genitals stay off-limits

This is the level where foreplay really happens, and the one your usual routine squeezes into ten seconds. You get undressed, you have access to all of the other person's skin, except their genitals. That restriction is the most important one of the night: it forces hands and mouths to go everywhere else.

7. Negotiated undressing: every piece of clothing costs a promise

What you need: your clothes, and whatever one of you picked for the other the night before, if you played game 3. How long: fifteen minutes.

To take a piece of clothing off the other person, you first have to tell them what you'll do with the skin it uncovers. "If I take off your shirt, I'll kiss your shoulders all the way up to the back of your neck." "If I take off your jeans, I'll run my lips along your thighs, down to your knees and no higher." They agree, and you keep your whole promise before asking for the next piece. They can also answer "more": the promise isn't good enough, offer a better one. Take turns until you're both naked, or nearly.

Why it works: undressing that usually takes ten seconds now takes fifteen minutes, and every piece of clothing gets its moment. The one promising says what they want to do, the one accepting says what they want to receive, and "more" is often the hottest word of the night, because it says "I want even more" without having to say what.

8. The elevator: ten floors, and the other person holds the button

What you need: nothing. How long: ten to twenty minutes, up to whoever holds the button.

One of you lies on their back, naked. The other starts at their ankles, with hands and mouth, and goes up floor by floor: ankles, calves, knees, inner thighs, hips, belly, breasts or chest, neck, ears, and finally the mouth. Genitals aren't a floor; the elevator goes right past without stopping. The person lying down holds the button: until they say "floor," you stay where you are. You can't skip a floor or go back down, unless they say "lobby," in which case you start over at the ankles. Once you reach the mouth, switch.

Why it works: the one doing the touching learns patience, and discovers you can spend five minutes on the back of a knee. The one receiving discovers they're allowed to make the inner thighs last as long as they like, and that nobody's moving on without their say-so. And every time the elevator passes the genitals without stopping, desire goes up a notch more than the floor itself.

9. Twenty kisses: never twice in the same place

What you need: nothing. How long: ten minutes.

One of you has twenty kisses to place on the other's body, counting them out loud. Two rules: never twice in the same spot, never on the mouth or the genitals. The first ten are easy. From fifteen on, you have to hunt for somewhere new, and that's where the game gets interesting: the back of the knee, the palm of the hand, behind the ear, the crease of the hip, the small of the back, the ankle. At twenty, switch.

Why it works: after a few years, your partner's body shrinks down to five or six places you know by heart. This game makes you find fifteen more, and the person receiving discovers spots they had no idea did anything. Counting out loud does the rest: at "eighteen," everybody's holding their breath.

10. "Not yet": one finger, one question, two possible answers

What you need: nothing. How long: as long as you like, and it's the game that opens level 4.

Before each new touch, the person doing the touching rests one finger on the spot they're aiming for and asks, "Here?" There are only two possible answers: "yes" or "not yet." A "yes," and they go for it. A "not yet," and they have to spend thirty seconds somewhere else before they're allowed to ask about that spot again. The game runs through all of level 3, and it's also the way out: the first time the person receiving says "yes" while the finger is resting on their genitals, you're on level 4.

Why it works: "not yet" doesn't mean no. It means "I want to wait a little longer," and that's a sentence almost nobody ever says in bed. Saying it, and hearing it, completely changes your sense of time: the one touching knows their turn will come, and the one receiving discovers the pleasure of making someone wait. The final "yes" is anything but a formality.

Level 4: genitals, hands and mouths, everything except penetration

At this level, the only restriction left is penetration, and it's exactly what keeps the night from snapping back into the usual sequence. You're allowed to touch each other's genitals, to masturbate, to go down on each other. The three games below are there to make this level last, instead of rushing through it in two minutes.

11. The thermometer: from 1 to 10, one degree at a time

What you need: nothing. How long: fifteen minutes, then switch.

After each touch, the person receiving says a number from 1 to 10: how turned on they are, right now. The person doing the touching has one job, to raise the number by exactly one degree, never two. If they jump from 5 to 7, they go back to whatever they were doing at 5 and try again. At 9, they stop, and it's the other person's turn to receive.

Why it works: only being allowed to go up one degree forces you to slow down, and it turns every touch into information. The one touching learns exactly what gets a 6 and what gets an 8 without asking a single question, and the one receiving has to say where they are, which almost nobody does. After two nights, you'll know your partner's scale better than your own.

12. Hand on hand: masturbating, then passing the baton

What you need: nothing, or a little lube. How long: ten minutes.

One of you masturbates in front of the other, exactly the way you do when you're alone, same rhythm, same pressure. The other rests a hand on top of yours, not steering, just following along. After two minutes, swap: the other's hand takes over, and the first person's hand stays on top, correcting the rhythm, the spot, the pressure, without a word. Then switch roles.

Why it works: you've shared a bed for ten or fifteen years, and chances are you've never actually shown each other how you touch yourselves. This game replaces a conversation nobody wants to have, and replaces it with something much hotter to do than to talk about. The one watching learns more in two minutes than in ten years of guessing.

13. Taking turns on the timer: two minutes each, never at the same time

What you need: your phone's timer. How long: twelve minutes, three turns each.

Oral sex happens one at a time, on the timer. Two minutes for one of you, then the alarm, and you stop dead, mid-motion, whatever is happening. Two minutes for the other. Three turns each. No sixty-nine, no "at the same time": the person receiving does nothing but receive, hands flat on the sheet.

Why it works: the alarm cutting in at the worst possible moment builds desire with every turn, and the third round has very little in common with the first. And receiving without giving anything back, for two whole minutes, is often harder than it sounds: you've gotten used to doing everything at once, and never just letting yourself be taken care of.

Level 5: having sex without losing the rhythm

The last restriction falls. But the level rule doesn't stop here, and that's what sets this apart from an ordinary night: penetration isn't the end of foreplay, it's a level like any other, and you can step back down from it.

14. Ask for it in full: penetration has to be requested, in a complete sentence

What you need: nothing. How long: until one of you cracks.

Penetration stays off-limits until one of you asks for it out loud, in a full sentence, with a subject, a verb, and a place: "I want to feel you inside me, right now, on the edge of the bed," "I want to be inside you, with you on top." A "come here" doesn't count, and neither does a look. Whoever asks first loses, and the other one picks the position.

Why it works: putting the sentence together is a level all by itself. You have to think it, say it while looking at your partner, and accept that you cracked first, which always makes the one who held out smile. For a version of this game with a timer, and fifteen minutes when penetration is off-limits no matter what, check out the countdown in our sex games for couples, with the full rules.

15. Going back down a level: two rewinds each

What you need: nothing. How long: the rest of the night.

While you're having sex, each of you gets to call out a level twice: "level 3" or "level 4." You stop, you pull apart, and you go back there for two minutes, to the elevator, the twenty kisses, or mouths, before picking up where you left off. The one who calls it picks the level; the other picks the game.

Why it works: going back down right when you're closest to coming is a frustration, and that's exactly what makes the night last. You come back to level 5 with two extra minutes of wanting each other. And knowing that your partner can say "level 3" at any moment changes the way you have sex: nobody is racing to the finish anymore.

Three routes, depending on how much time you have

You don't need all fifteen games in one night, or even all five levels. What matters is not skipping one inside the night you've picked. Here are three routes that keep the order.

Your night	The route	Why this one
A Tuesday, twenty minutes before sleep	The five-minute kiss (No. 5), twenty kisses (No. 9), ask for it in full (No. 14)	Three levels, one game each, none of them needs any prep
A Friday, an hour to yourselves	The three texts (No. 2), making out on the couch (No. 6), the elevator (No. 8), the thermometer (No. 11), going back down a level (No. 15)	All five levels, one game each, in order
The Saturday the kids sleep over at their grandparents'	Underwear picked by the other (No. 3), the appointment (No. 1), the kitchen kiss (No. 4), negotiated undressing (No. 7), "not yet" (No. 10), hand on hand (No. 12), taking turns (No. 13), ask for it in full (No. 14)	A whole day of anticipation, and two games per level at night

All fifteen games on this page are about the build-up. If you'd like to linger on level 3, our sensual games for couples, sorted by the senses offer twelve more, from a three-round massage to the flashlight game. To turn up the heat on level 4 with bolder instructions, dip into our spicy challenges for couples. And for nights when you need to laugh first before any of this, the date night games for couples start at dinner.

What makes you skip steps: three shortcuts to watch for

Even with rules, the night tends to drift back to its old rhythm. Three shortcuts show up almost every time, and they're easy to spot once you know them.

• Skipping a level because you know it already: "we know how to kiss" is the sentence that takes you straight from level 1 to level 3. And yet level 2 is where the night picks up speed. Keep at least one kissing game, even a short one, even on a Tuesday.
• The phone that buzzes: one notification on level 3, and you're back at level 0, reading a message from the PTA group chat. Airplane mode before the appointment, on both phones, including the one you're using as a timer.
• Exhaustion that negotiates: "quick one tonight?" A quick one isn't a problem, but do it by picking the twenty-minute route rather than skipping levels in the middle of an hour-long night. A short, complete night beats a long one where you rushed through half the steps.

Your questions about foreplay games for couples

How long should foreplay last?

There's no right length, and be wary of the numbers floating around. What matters is that you both get to the next level at the same time, not that the timer shows a particular number. In practice, a night that goes through all five levels takes about an hour, and a three-level route fits into twenty minutes. Both are real foreplay, as long as no step got skipped.

What foreplay games can you play when you only have fifteen minutes?

Pick one game per level and skip level 1: the five-minute kiss, then a short version of the elevator, then ask for it in full. What counts isn't how long each level lasts, it's going through them in order. Fifteen well-paced minutes do more than an hour where you sprinted to the end.

How do you make foreplay last when one of you is in a hurry?

Hand them the key. In this game, the person receiving decides when to move up: if the impatient one is receiving, they learn to wait by making the other person wait; if they're the one touching, they simply aren't allowed to go faster. The thermometer and "not yet" are the two most effective games for this, because they make waiting the actual rule of the game.

What if we stop at level 4?

Then you stopped at level 4, and it was a great night. Nothing says you have to get to penetration: coming from hands or mouths isn't a failure, and some couples discover through this game that it's their favorite level. Level 5 is there when you want it, not as a finish line.

How do you suggest a foreplay game to your partner?

Through level 1, actually. An appointment set in the morning, or a first text at noon, needs no explanation: your partner figures out on their own that something is happening tonight, and the rules get set over dinner in one minute. For everything that gets said before a bolder game, our article on how to suggest a naughty game to your partner covers the words and the timing.

Is there a foreplay game you can play on a phone?

The fifteen games on this page only need a timer, but you're still the ones keeping the pace, and that's exactly what slips after a few nights: one of you always ends up wanting to skip a level. Oopsia's naughty games are played by two people on one phone, and they handle that part for you: they pace the intensity, deal the next instruction, and leave you free to focus on each other.